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Sunday, January 16, 2005

deep thoughts, shallow thoughts

i'm blogging at a friend's house right now, taking a break after creating a wav parser. i have been busying myself quite a lot lately with schoolwork so i won't repeat my mistake last year (that is, being lazy during 2nd sem). unlike some people, though, i can't seem to devote much energy to many things at one time. so, naturally, i end up neglecting some things lately. but then again, at least i'm keeping my priorities straight.

wet and wrong the MMDA (Metro Manila Development Authority) has tested a new type of disciplinary action to help solve the traffic problem. it involves a truck and a giant wet rag. if it still isn't clear, they plan to humiliate pedestrian violators (i.e. those who wait for jeepneys beyond the sidewalk) by getting them wet. now personally, i don't approve of this kind of approach; however it saddens me that many have become so undisciplined that this approach actually hit some people. i mean, i would've thought that a normal pedestrian would have the sense to avoid such a large trucj with a large, wet cloth that says, "BAWAL MAGHINTAY NG JEEP SA LABAS NG SIDEWALK" (do not wait for jeepneys beyond the sidewalk). but sadly, there are still people who had to get wet. i mean, to actually get hit by that (outside of accidentally, which i doubt) would show a certain level of stupidity, hard-headedness, or both. it saddens me to think that this approach may as well be as good as any other . . .

shallow thoughts because of increasing demands in school and my below-minimum pc, i have been neglecting to play tantra. the guild has placed a rule that by feb, everyone should at least be at level 47. and i'm currently at level 42 T_T. now, i really don't mind getting kicked out for the guild, it is necessary, after all to keep getting stronger. but somehow, it also saddens me to think of it, being one of the first to create the guild in the first place. sometimes, the only reason i can think of why i'm really falling behind is that i'm a really crappy player . . . i know this is very, very shallow, and i'm really getting my ego get the best of my better judgement. maybe i'm just a little stressed, that's why i let such little things bother me . . .

oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles


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Friday, January 14, 2005

sa isip, sa salita, at sa gawa

that means "in mind, in speech, and in action." that's the last line from the philippines' national pledge. i used to beam with pride whenever i hear the national anthem and i used to brag about the fact that i haven't forgotten a single line from the old national pledge . . . until now.

now, i realized that the philippines aint what it used to. there was i time i knew that the philippines was a beautiful nation, with nice, hardworking people who placed value on honor, honesty, and friendship. when we were a nation that thrived with culture and wealth (not just material wealth). now i see less hope than ever, and things will only seem to get worse.

si intsik, si kastila, si labnaw, at si indio the chinese (bastardized term), the spanish, the diluted, and the filipino (bastardized). everything started with lunch. the topics whizzed by, and then it went to mindless squabble about yihee's. i mindlessly asked (out of curiosity and my own ulterior motive), whether bel & kai (being from chinese families) will allow their children to marry filipinos. it was a resounding NO from kai T_T and a 'why not' from bel. again, there are some things in the chinese culture that i can't understand, but both of them dished out some very strong arguments that has given someone like me more than a hint of a doubt. for the longest time i've believed that being a filipino meant being color blind, being indifferent to race, being unprejudiced. but i've only been closing my eyes on the fact that lately, filipinos have sunk at an all time low. many have been living in posverty and injustice for so long that morals have been fading away, and desparation is taking over. many people feel that the only way to gain justice is to take it by force, while others have been taking advantage of others for so long it has become a way of life, second nature. trust is rare, and trechery is abundant. people have become so despearte for justice or wealth that they have been willing to put other people in harm's way to get it

. . . for me, nothing should be worth that . . .


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Friday, January 07, 2005

blogging in school

still feel like crap. yesterday, a friend of mine was apparently missing (not for the first time, though). makes me remember about the time when i was like that, always running away from people, from problems, from the world in general . . .

can't blame her i think that it's just right to voice out you opinions, make your sentiments heard, (as long as remains proper) rather than keeping them bottled up inside. it helps you understand what you feel, and it helps the world understand you better. but then can you blame someone for bottling emotions? i was one of those people, and to some extent i still am. i don't like to cause discomfort to others, and i don't like it when people have to make special considerations for me. but then i realize i only give them more problems, if they don't know me, or if i show them somebody who i'm not . . .

range of great palm i have puppies~ nameless puppies still, but what the heck. i want to post pics of them, but i don't have a camera, so T_T

change i change a lot. especially now that a lot of changes are bound to happen. however, i also am afraid of change. especially when my environment changes. i don't like the things i'm attached to to change . . . it gives me a weird feeling of anxiety or apprehension, or something. sometime ago, i made was certain that i won't bother anybody else with my problems, and i won't allow myself to bring others down. that is, i have to of clear mind, and certain about myself . . .

ok, words just failed me . . .


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Tuesday, January 04, 2005

one for the money, two for the show . . .

first things first : congratulations to bel, welcome to the corporate world~!

EDIT: this i wrote after a day ^^

everyone experiences numerous milestones in their lives. and now that life as we know it has become so fast paced, these milestones seem to come more often. but with all change comes pain. now, i'm not whinig, no, i'm really really glad that these changes happen, just as they are right now . . . and things are changing for the better, just that sometimes, the meaning of "better" gets conufusing . . .

1 attachment recieved i rarely get attached to anything. but when i get attached, i find that i seem to show another side of me. it is exaclty this side that causes me anxiety sometimes. sometimes i think, maybe i've become overexcited, acting like an idiot around my friends. sometimes i get too touchy (which i am not); sometimes i make a lot of jokes, poking fun at them (possibly even hurting them); sometimes i just plain get moody . . . but then again, through anything, once i get attached, it's hard to get detached again . . .

three to get ready, and four to go~! i got me a job! but somehow, i have this uneasy feeling of uncertainy. sometimes i feel as if i don't deserve the things i am getting; especially when i hear about friends more qualified than i am who don't get what i do. sometimes, i feel like i'm getting too much than what i deserve. maybe it was a wrong idea to have gone around telling everybody what happened. it feels like i just caused discomfort . . .


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Saturday, January 01, 2005

fireworks on my window

a very happy new year, everyone!

it is quite the occasion (though i'm the only one actually awake in our household T_T

oh well. might as well enjoy the fireworks, so wouldn't have been roused in vain ^^


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